On Paying it Forward

I was around 11 when I first had the realization that life isn’t always fair. For a child of that age, life usually revolves around themselves. But somewhere in my self-absorption, I had this nagging voice reminding me to be grateful. I remember driving home in the school van in 110-degree weather thinking how wonderful life must be for people with air conditioning. One glance out the back of the van at a traffic light set me straight. Hordes of children, wearing no shoes, tattered clothes, and giant smiles. The younger ones traveling in pods, finding ways to amuse themselves, circling parked cars begging for money. The older ones with more polished sales pitches selling the latest random thing: combs, puppets, balloons, flowers, snacks. Growing up around poverty you either learn to tune it out, or you try to change things.

The puppet salesman who charmed me into buying one

My family was very much an influence. My grandparents’ house was a revolving door where everyone was welcome. Generations of family members, friends, and complete strangers dropped by for a shoulder to cry on, a loan, a warm meal, or a place to stay. No one was ever turned away. On average there would be around 20 people living in that 3 bedroom apartment at any given time. Storage rooms would get their doors removed and turned into tiny bedrooms. Makeshift beds would line the hallways. Meals would magically fit to serve 20. I saw the same values reflected in my parents. My mother has been running a grassroots charity organization since the 90s in Karachi on a completely voluntary basis. My siblings and I saw the impact she had on people’s lives firsthand and it inspired us to pay it forward.

Grandparents in the center, my grandmother(Nano) is the one holding my baby brother, my mother(Ammi) is sitting behind my grandfather(Nana). My sister and I are in the front.

I first started volunteering when I was around 14. Venus was a young woman working door-to-door providing in-home salon services to women in our neighborhood. She would always bring her daughters with her and we would all play outside while she did her rounds. Her daughters were not in school because she had no one to leave them with while she worked. So I decided that I would tutor them both. When Ammi started her work at Al-Zohra all us kids would volunteer there, either teaching younger kids or fundraising. I went on to volunteer at the Ujala school in our neighborhood a few times a month, and then at Idara and Dar-ul-Sukoon throughout my high school years.

The essence of paying it forward has stayed with me and service work has become an integral part of who I am. When I see others struggling through some of the same obstacles that I once knew, I seek out ways to mentor them through the challenges so they don’t repeat my mistakes. In 2011 I started a non-profit foundation called One Good Act so I could hand-pick projects to devote my time, money, and expertise to. When I found it hard to scale the impact I wanted to make as a career mentor through 1:1 mentoring I decided to create PWIC, a scalable community organization to empower and uplift marginalized communities in tech. Whenever I find myself feeling hopeless or frustrated about the state of the world I make an intentional decision to try to make a difference, no matter how small.

Paying it forward isn’t only about charitable deeds. Work is the perfect place for it and has the added effect of inspiring peers to do the same. Recognize a colleague’s hard work publicly or show your genuine appreciation for your boss. Help a co-worker with a tough project or problem. Take an overwhelmed junior employee out to lunch and give them a pep talk. Sign up to be a mentor or sponsor for a rising star in the organization and support their career growth. Think of all the times someone at work gave you credit for a project, shared positive feedback with your boss, or took their valuable time to help you out with a problem. And think of the impact that made on you and on your career. So get the ball rolling and others will push it forward.

I have found that paying it forward is a win-win. It's true that your time, money, or experience can have a huge impact on another life. But it also impacts your life in a hugely positive way. It has made me a better person. My life is enriched by all the different people I meet who I would not have met otherwise. It has allowed me to keep things in perspective because my own problems don’t seem quite as big in comparison. Mostly though I love how in carrying these traditions forward, I have come full circle raising more rational and humane people. And the world can certainly do with more of that.